10 Reasons to Get Premarital Counselling

There are a several ingredients that make a successful relationship. No matter how much you love each other, you cannot ignore the harsh practicalities of life and if you are planning to get married soon, there are many things that both of you should be very clear on. If as a couple you still have not decided the whats and wheres of the situations that you will be facing together, then premarital counselling might be something to consider.

Here are 10 solid reasons to consider regarding premarital counselling.

1. To Build A Strong Foundation

When building a house, builders start by working on the foundation, which provides the support for the rest of the building. In the same way, a couple needs a strong foundation for their future marriage. Relationship counsellors can teach you how to handle some of the common issues that arise and teach you the foundational skills that you will need after getting married.

2. Excel in Communication

Communication: the word itself is very big. Assuming that your partner will be able to guess your thoughts and feelings is a very risky move. Premarital counselling helps couples share thoughts, ideas and feelings in a way that minimises misinterpretation and allows both people to be heard.  The idea here isn't to always agree on every issue, but rather to listen well even when you might disagree.

3. Becoming Completely Open

Whether dealing with finances, in-laws, child-rearing or sex, relationships tend to work better when both partners have a clear understanding of the other person's wants, needs and desires.  At such an early point in the relationship, we can reduce the chance of future problems by helping couples become more open and be truthful to each other.

4. Dealing with Expectations

Expectations of a relationship can vary from person to person; some expect more and some less of their partner. Premarital counselling gives a platform where a couple can discuss their expectations about anything. A counsellor can give you the opportunity to work on areas where a problem might crop up in future so that you don’t have to compromise later. 

5. Work on Conflict Resolution

When you pick a partner, you pick a set of problems.  No healthy couple is completely conflict-free.  Any two individuals are bound to disagree on some core values or beliefs.  If there are relationship issues before marriage, then they won’t fade away the day after the wedding. Rather than trying to solve some problems, a counsellor can help you to discuss conflicts in a non-attacking way in order to deal with these problems more productively.

6. Guided Conversations

We all have trigger points, words or actions that affect us more deeply than others.  Sometimes you don’t know how to start the conversation related to a particular topic without sparking that trigger in your partner. Having a neutral third party there to guide you through the difficult conversation can help ensure that the message that is intended is the one that is received.

7. Avoiding Toxic Resentments

The average couple waits for about six years after the problems start before seeking professional help.  By then, it can be really challenging (not impossible, but really challenging) to undo some of the resentment that has built up over the years.  Premarital counselling can teach you to watch out for the warning signs that problems are developing so that you can catch them early and avoid them spilling into something toxic.

8. Dismantling fears about marriage

Cold feet before the wedding is pretty common. This is one of the biggest commitments that you will ever make and the question "Am I doing the right thing?" is very understandable.  In fact, not asking that question is quite worrying, because if you're going to take this leap, you're going to want to be sure!  A counsellor can help you work through some of those concerns and prepare you for the pitfalls that can cause relationships to veer off of the rails.

9. Identifying the “seeds” of future marital stress

Having a conversation with a trained counsellor can help you to identify the roots of future marital distress and prevent them from escalating into real problems in the future.  They say that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  That goes doubly for your relationship!

10. Promoting intimacy and closeness

 Learning the tools to have healthy conversations about difficult topics is one of the best way to grow closer to your partner.  Really feeling heard and understood, even on those things where you disagree, will bring you closer together and give you the confidence and skill that you will need to move into the next phase of your relationship.